I was transporting a man recently, I had to fly him to a specialty hospital in an attempt to get him closer to a donor heart and surgeon. I say attempt because there was not yet a donor. He was going to be placed on an LVAD as a stop gap measure. The difficulty his heart was having was obvious in how much weakness he had from doing normal things like lifting his legs.
I was sitting next to him on the ride to the airport in the back of the ambulance and the patient got to talking. He told me about his years in high school, his crazy days in college. The times when he would travel to the border to go into Mexico and party. How back then violence wasn’t as prevalent as it is now in Mexico and they felt safe getting lost.
He tells me about his first wife, how they met. How love grew in him and he felt whole. He became a family man, he was content. His business flourished, after he retired he taught what he had learned.
He told me of how much it hurt when his first wife died. He told me how he didn’t think he would ever survive, but his children and much later another woman gave him a reason to keep going.
Getting into the plane he notices me put on my earphones and get on my phone. I need to call my dispatch center before takeoff and inform them of our eta, tail number, pilot and who’s on board. They already know but it’s a formality. As soon as I’m done I take off my earphones, I can’t fly with them first because it would not let me hear the patient or my equipment and also because my ears have trouble regulating pressures. I can easily see his relief.
The man talks to me of a life well lived, the problems were always present but never outnumbered the joys. It saddens me that I know the chances he has are very slim. He will get on LVAD and hope he can get better or receive a healthy heart. It makes me think that he might know his chances, he is a smart and educated man. How must it feel to know, in a very real and very in your face way, that your days are numbered? We all know we’re going to die, but we push it away. We drown it out and most are blindsided when it’s there next to us. This man has had days to contemplate, weeks of preparation, long nights in the hospital with nothing but his thoughts and the sound of machines feeding him medicines in a fight they can never win, only delay.
I hope when my end comes I can look back at my life and feel contentment, know that I was loved and that I loved. Hope I can face the death that is inevitable head on.
This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.
So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND
HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND
NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN
I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES
NICK P L E A S E
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."- Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms (via feellng)
"When targets of microaggressions attempt to point out the offensive nature of remarks and actions from perpetrators, they are told that their perceptions are inaccurate, that they are oversensitive, or that they are paranoid. In other words, they are out of touch with reality. The experiential realities of those in power are imposed upon less powerful groups by denying their perceptions and life experiences. Interestingly, some have asserted or found that those groups who are least empowered have the most accurate assessment of reality. Such a conclusion makes common sense, as those in power do not need to understand disempowered groups to survive or do well, while those without much power must actively discern the mindset and motives of those with power in order to survive. Women in the workforce must understand the thinking of their male counterparts to do well, but the reciprocal is not true for men."- Derald Wing Sue, Microaggressions and Marginality (via wretchedoftheearth)
Everything you thought you knew you need to forget. We are here to build you from the ground up.
Your ABCs will have a new meaning
OPQRST is no longer the middle of the alphabet
You will learn that scene safety starts with yourself at home
And often you will see your partner more times than your own family.
Many of you will drop this course with in the first month. Those that choose to stay will be challenged in many ways.
This is only the first day, so you don’t believe me yet.
This class is demanding, much like the career. We expect a lot from you. Many if you will fail, but realize how much you want this.
Those that pick to come back, come back with a new attitude and determination. Today you will meet your new partners, your new best friends, you will have each others backs through a lot. Late night studying, and life in general. You don’t know this yet, but I’ve seen it time and time again.
You can be the best person in this class, but you may learn that this still isn’t the place for you, and that’s fine. The experiences you take from this class will help you in the real world too, not just the field.
(So many flashbacks from last semester writing that, including my mental break down)
I totally get this.